A true ally

Hero of the Year:

In a touching act of compassion, local good Samaritan Chad Paulson saw a man being oppressed by a police officer and immediately rushed over to loot a local Target.

"It's what I'd expect anyone else with any kind of sense of right and wrong to do for me," Paulson told reporters as he ransacked the Lego section of the store, snagging a sweet new TIE fighter model and a Harry Potter set. "When we see oppression and injustice in this world, we can't sit idly by and do nothing. We must take action, find the nearest Target, Nike store, or GameStop, and loot in his name."