John Effin' Kerry!

Making Texas Hot Again:

After days of being without power due to frozen windfarms, Texans are rejoicing at the news that Climate Czar John Kerry will personally warm up the entire state and thaw out all the windmills by flying around in his massive private jet.

"John Kerry, reporting for duty!" said Kerry as he swooped in and buzzed the wind farms, pumping heat and CO2 into the atmosphere. "I'll get these old wind turbines spinning again!"