Husband Torture

One of the many ways:

First, withhold intimacy for two weeks. Your husband will be on a "sex fast", he'll be thrilled by the prospect of 'getting some', which is when you make your offer.

"Okay honey. We can have sex tonight if you do the washing or mow the lawn (or whatever if might be that you want him to do)."

Your man will immediately agree and get the chore done.

When he comes around to "collect" his reward, tell him that the office is closed and he will have to come back tomorrow.

Vox Popoli on this "joke":

Now, despite the lame foundation there is a way to make it at least vaguely humorous. You see, the next morning, when our lingerie-clad princess-protagonist asks her long-suffering husband why he is so unaccountably relaxed about her failure to deliver on the promised erotic acrobatics the evening before, he shrugs and replies laconically.

"I was sorry to hear that your office was closed, but fortunately your sister's offers 24-7 delivery."

Comments

[Francis W. Porretto]

I seem to recall having read something much like this not too long ago -- and seriously meant:

"Yes, dear readers, it’s true: Maintaining some semblance of parity in your marriage requires you to deploy the same kinds of nasty tactics you swore you would never stoop to as a parent but nonetheless found yourself using the minute you actually had a kid. Bribery and punishment work; so do yelling and complaining. Threats are also effective, as long as everyone knows you mean business. With husbands, tender blandishments and nooky are particularly useful, as is the withholding of the aforementioned." -- Leslie Bennetts, "Chores for two: Why men don't pitch in," at MSNBC on April 18, 2008.

Frankly, treatment such as that is grounds for divorce -- and if a husband were to do something comparable to his wife, he'd probably be indicted for spousal abuse. Yet modern women want to know why men have become so marriage-averse. It is to laugh.

[Laura(southernxyl)]

"Okay honey. We can have sex tonight if you do the washing or mow the lawn (or whatever if might be that you want him to do)."

God forbid that he should just mow the damn lawn without waiting for his mommy to ask him to.

There's one very good way to avoid being treated like a child.

[Classical Liberal]

Maybe he doesn't give a damn about the lawn. In which case, his not mowing it is entirely reasonable.

[Laura(southernxyl)]

Yeah, in which case, when code enforcement comes around I guess she'll be out there mowing with a baby on her hip, since he probably doesn't give a damn about chld care either.

[Laura(southernxyl)]

...Not to mention, if he only mows the lawn and does other household chores that need to be done, and that the grownups in a household do without being asked or told, when he damn well feels like it, then how can he complain if she only offers him her body when she damn well feels like it? Neither of these things is how a marriage works. I feel for people who do not understand the concept of partnership.

[sophia]

I have a suggestion. The next time a woman withholds sex from a husband, treat her the Islamic way: rape her, beat her, kill her.

What is your point, Isaac?