The Saint from Pakistan writes about his apostasy:
Islam is your identity; Islam is the best religion in the world and following its moral code is the only way to be a good human; offer your prayers and keep fasts, but stay away from complex theology, because then you’ll become a fundamentalist tableeghi, which is bad, but don’t question your faith as well, because then you’ll become a dehria [apostate], which is worse. I think of it as a sort of ‘calculated ignorance’.
It wasn't blissful for the author.
Through participating in dialogues and conversations on various online communities and foums, I slowly became aware of different objectionable questions of Islam, like why are apostates to be killed? Why if Islam is a religion of peace did Muslim caliphate wage wars on other nations? Why is music haram? Why is beard compulsory? Why should atheists and non-muslims be sent into hell? Why the hand of a thief is is to cut off, because it is such a barbaric act? Why are husbands allowed to beat their wives? Etc etc. Such questions continuously tormented at that time. I tried to find answers, but I couldn’t find them, and I became more and more restless. The answers given by different religious scholars didn’t satisfy me. I was, at that time, not bold enough to question the assumptions of religion. They were too sacred. Touching them would be the worst sin. Years of poison of religious tales and mythologies which parents and teachers had poured in me prevented me from thinking clearly. And hence, I suffered from a frustration and uncertainty.
In the end, The Saint found the way.