In The Anal Light of Islam

Muslihoon:

From the very beginning of Islam, Muslims have been asking experts on Islamic law questions on how to implement it in certain cases. Indeed, a large number of aHādīth (أحاديث, sayings of Muhammad and other senior members of the early Muslim community) came about when someone approached another (usually Muhammad) with a certain situation and asked what one should do. The response is remembered and used as a template for further rulings on similar issues.

A World of Fatwas by Arun Shourie demonstrates how, frankly, ridiculous this situation can become. People ask all sorts of questions, some of which are outright weird and even perverted.

Very true.

Akhbar-e-Jehan is a weekly Urdu magazine from Pakistan. I used to read it in Saudi Arabia. A particular section of that publication was always a cause of disbelief and amusment for me. It was called Ketab oo sunnat ke roshni may--In the Light of the Book and Sunnah.

There, tons of questions, sent in by readers, were answered by an Islamic religious scholar.

I just looked at their most recent issue--Oct. 23-Oct. 29, 2006. There is one Q&A about water. My translation of almost all of it follows:

"Question: What are the rules on drinking water? What was the way of our lovely Prophet (SWAT) in this matter?

Answer: The Prophet used to breath three times upon drinking water. He didn't approve of drinking water in one breath.

He also disapproved of drinking water while standing. Furthermore, he said that if someone absentmindedly drank water while standing then he or she should vomit it all back."

The more "true" a Muslim gets, the more insane he becomes.

In an amazing coincidence, the very next question is about wearing clothes that end below the ankle. (A big no-no.) The question after that refers to adorning attire that happens to be...red:

"Question: Can males wear clothing that is red in color?

Answer: Abdullah bin Umar'd narrates that once a person wearing red clothes passed by the Prophet (SWAT) and said "Yo!," and the Prophet (SWAT) didn't offer a reply."

There you go Muslim men! It's all cool if you marry a six-year-old girl when you're fifty. But don't you E-V-E-R wear a red T-shirt.

Because that would be just wrong.

Comments

[Vishnu Vyas]

Seriously, I've been wondering about this for a long time.. what is the difference between Hindi and Urdu? They seem identical to me..

And about these absurd doubts.. I know religion crushes induviduality to a certain extent, but to this extent? Simply unbeliveable. Don't muslims ever think of other role models at all?

[Muslihoon]

LOL! I love your translation of the second answer!

Excellent post. Thanks for the insight and the laughs.

[The Jut]

I guess I´ll just have to put on a red shirt, and sip a beer. Mohammed did like alchohol, right?

[Isaac Schrödinger]

Vishnu Vyas: "what is the difference between Hindi and Urdu? They seem identical to me."

From Wikipedia [search: Hindi]:
"Because of Hindi's extreme similarity to Urdu, speakers of the two languages can usually understand one another, if both sides refrain from using specialized vocabulary. Indeed, linguists sometimes count them as being part of the same language diasystem. However, Hindi and Urdu are socio-politically different, and people who self-describe as being speakers of Urdu would question their being counted as native speakers of Hindi, and vice-versa."

Two big differences:
1. They are written completely differently. I can't read a single word of Hindi.
2. Specialized vocabulary. To be honest, I don't know pure Urdu. For example, most of the poetry goes over my head because I don't understand the words...Though, communications between the two nations is excellent. The best example of this is Bollywood. Rarely does that industry use pure Hindi or Urdu; they thus have a huge market of not only NRIs but also Pakistanis!

"Don't muslims ever think of other role models at all?"

The close followers of Muhammed...who mimic Muhammed.

Muslihoon: You're welcome. I try to add a small grain of humor.

The Jut: "I guess I´ll just have to put on a red shirt, and sip a beer."

Just make sure that you're not in the standing position when you do so. Otherwise...

[Sid]

Isaac got it right. The only difference between street Hindi and street Urdu is the script. This fusion is usually called "Hindustani".

"Pure" Hindi, derived from Sanskrit, is pretty difficult to understand for a person who knows Urdu only. So Isaac probably can't understand 'kshama karey' but he can understand 'maaf karey'. Both mean the same.

[Isaac Schrödinger]

Sid: All the comments are emailed to me. I find it amusing that when I checked my gmail account right now, the sponsored link on top of the page was for "Indian Literature and Books". Plus, there was some Hindi script as well.