American History Reloaded

Gene Weingarten:

Imagine Angelina Jolie, on fire, leaping out the ninth-floor window of a burning sweatshop, where she has to work in her underwear because of the heat. She jumps because Dennis Hopper, the evil owner, locked her in! Muhahahaha. In the end, she has sex with Jake Gyllenhaal, the New York City firefighter who caught her.

It, like, totally makes sense given the context.