How to learn the Quran
Saudi slut ups the heat in Arabia

Microscopically Totalitarian

This brought back some memories:

The number of dates on a plate should be an odd number.

This was the case when I attended a formal Islamic event.

Do not ask for a knife to cut the meat.

Watch the trouser length. An area mosque had a skirmish about trouser length.

I used to read a Pakistani weekly magazine called Akhbar-e-Jehan. It had one section that always amused me. People would write in their questions and an Islamic scholar would provide his halaal advice. For example:

Question: I have a few framed photos of my kids and relatives in my home. I've heard that this is haram. Please help!

Answer: Indeed. Keeping photos in the house is not allowed. Angels refuse to enter a place that has pictures of men, women or children. You should remove all such photos and pray for Allah's forgiveness.

Question: I got engaged recently. I gave my future wife a gold ring. She also bought me one but some of my family members are telling me that males are not allowed to wear jewelry in Islam! Is this true?

Answer: Yes, wearing of gold and silver is only allowed for women. You should beat that ignorant slut of a future wife with a toothbrush to teach her a lesson.

Question: My family recently got a cute little dog who sleeps in the house. We've named it Muhammad. Our kids play with Muhammad after school. When we take it out for walks in the evening, others scowl and point at us in a threatening manner. Why are Muslims so upset with Muhammad?

Answer: Muhammad is totally haram in Islam. You can only keep a dog as a watchdog for crops, livestock and your home. In addition, the dog must stay outside the house. Your behavior is totally against Islam! Get rid of Muhammad now!

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